In a recent Harvard Business Review article, “Connect, Then Lead,” authors Cuddy, Kohut and Neffinger tackle the 500 year old question, “Is it better to be loved or feared?” In their research, they discovered that the answer is BOTH.  When we judge others as leaders, we look at two characteristics: how lovable they are (their warmth, communion, or trustworthiness) and how fearsome they are (their strength, agency or competence.)  It is interesting to note how an imbalance of these characteristics affect others.  People judged to be competent but lacking in warmth often elicit envy.    On the other hand, people considered to be warm but incompetent tend to elicit pity.  Compassion may move us to help those we pity but our lack of respect will ultimately lead us to neglect them.

So – which is better, being lovable or being strong?  The authors pose that leaders who tend to emphasize their strength, competence and credentials before establishing trust run the risk of being feared and along with it a host of other dysfunctional behaviors.  Fear also undermines creativity and problem solving which can cause employees to “get stuck.”  This is illustrated by research completed by Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman.  In a study of 51,836 leaders, only 27 of them were rated in the bottom quartile in terms of likability and in the top quartile in terms of overall leadership effectiveness.  In other words, the chances that a manager who is strongly disliked will be considered a good leader are only about one in 2,000.

So, what happens when we lead with strength first?  It is interesting to note that although many of us strive to show others how competent we are first – we often don’t feel the need to prove we are trustworthy.  This contradicts what research proves which is that evidence of being trustworthy is the first thing we look for in others.  Putting competence first undermines leadership:  people may comply outwardly but they are much less likely to adopt the values, culture and mission of the organization.

What happens when we lead with warmth?  Research shows that people consistently pick up on warmth before competence.  Trust increases information sharing, openness, and cooperation.  Trust also facilitates the exchange and acceptance of ideas.  The authors point out that the most important outcome of trust is the opportunity to change people’s attitude and beliefs, not just their outward behavior.

Feeling overwhelmed?  Based upon this article, it appears that the best way to lead is with both but even Machiavelli realized the challenge when he said, “It is difficult to unite them (love and fear) in one person, it is much safer to be feared than loved.”  When you really think about it however, the traits can actually be mutually reinforcing.  When we are feeling a sense of personal strength, we tend to be more open, less threatened and less threatening in stressful situations.  If we feel confident and calm, we project authenticity and warmth.

So, how do we become “Happy Warriors?”  Leaders who face troubles without being troubled?  Leaders who can reassure those around them that whatever challenges we may need to face, things will work out in the end.  Believe it or not – it all starts with hormones!    Research suggests that two hormones play a big role in how we face leadership:  testosterone (associated with assertiveness, reduced fear, and willingness to compete and take risks) and cortisol (associated with stress and stress reactivity.)  Leaders who exhibit this unique physiological profile are seen as the most effective leaders – regardless of gender.

What if you aren’t a natural Happy Warrior?  The authors give several great tips on how to project both warmth and strength.

To project warmth:

1. Find the right level: create vocal warmth by speaking with a lower pitch and volume – as if you were comforting a friend.  This suggests that you are leveling with people.
2. Validate feelings: before people will decide what they think of your message, they decide what they think of you.  Showing people that you share roughly the same worldview as they do will demonstrate not only empathy but, in their eyes, common sense – the ultimate qualification for being listened to.
3. Smile – and mean it:  find some reason to be happy wherever you may be – even if you have to resort to laughing at your predicament.

To project strength:

1. Feel in command: warmth may be hard to fake but confidence is harder to talk yourself into.  Feeling in command and confident is about connecting with yourself.  When we are connected with ourselves, it is much easier to connect with others.
2. Stand up straight: good posture not only projects authority but an intention to be taken seriously.
3. Get ahold of yourself: when you move – move deliberately.  When you are finished moving – be still.  Twitching, fidgeting or other visual static sends the signal that you are not in control.  Stillness demonstrates calm.

Some of you are probably thinking that this will feel awkward and unnatural.  One thing I find is that new things generally are when we are trying to establish a new behavior or habit.  The great thing is that it gets easier once we start getting a positive response to our efforts.  In her book, Presence – Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges, Amy Cuddy goes into more detail about how to demonstrate warmth and project strength even if those don’t come naturally.  If you want to improve your overall leadership effectiveness by creating a balance of warmth and strength, I highly recommend Amy’s book.  It is also an amazing Ted Talk!

Blog by Rena Striegel, President